Tim Cook Gives Apple Megabux to SPLC and ADL


Via Buzzfeed, here is Apple CEO Tim Cook’s memo:

Team,

Like so many of you, equality is at the core of my beliefs and values.

That’s why I deserved to be compensated $373 million for my labor in 2015 and you didn’t: because I believe in equality .

… I disagree with the president and others who believe that there is a moral equivalence between white supremacists and Nazis, and those who oppose them by standing up for human rights. Equating the two runs counter to our ideals as Americans.

Therefore, people I disagree with politically should have no civil rights. They should be outlaws subjected to any violence that people who agree with me feel like inflicting upon them, those bastards. After all, I made $373 million last year. What did they make?

Regardless of your political views, we must all stand together on this one point — that we are all equal.

Although not in income. That’s a totally separate question.

… We have always welcomed people from every walk of life to our stores around the world and showed them that Apple is inclusive of everyone. …

Our prices discriminate so we don’t have to. And we’re going to be opening an Apple Store in Los Angeles south of Wilshire Boulevard any day now. Trust me!

Okay, I’ll admit it: nobody at Apple has come up with a single good idea since Steve Jobs died six years ago. But that’s not the point, the point is that is that I made $373 million last year and you didn’t.

In the wake of the tragic and repulsive events in Charlottesville, we are stepping up to help organizations who work to rid our country of hate. Apple will be making contributions of $1 million each to the Southern Poverty Law Center and the Anti-Defamation League. We will also match two-for-one our employees’ donations to these and several other human rights groups, between now and September 30.

In the coming days, iTunes will offer users an easy way to join us in directly supporting the work of the SPLC.

After all, the SPLC only has $303 million. I made more than that in one year!

Dr. Martin Luther King said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter.”…

As we all know, Dr. King was head of the SPLC.

Oh … the legal department has informed me that Dr. King was, technically speaking, head of the SCLC. But, as my good friend Morris Dees has assured me, only total nerds care about a letter here, a letter there. By the way, Morris shared with me some really creative marketing ideas he’s come up with for unloading those iPads that are cluttering up inventory. Did you know that he’s a member of the Direct Marketing Hall of Fame?

Best,

Tim

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