“This Message Paid For By Billionaire Golfers For Open Borders”

Billionaire New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg, who was previously a Democrat, then won two mayoral elections as a Republican, has switched party allegiance again this time to Independent. This would open the door to his running a third party campaign for President. He has mused about dropping a billion bucks of his own money on such a race.

Perhaps Bloomberg believed the article by Washington Post reporter Dan Balz lamenting the collapse of the Senate amnesty bill (Warning: It`s alive!):

Voters wanted an immigration deal …The collective failure of the two parties already appears to have stimulated interest in a third-party candidate for president in 2008 whose main promise would be to make Washington work. It is far too early to assess the viability of such a candidate, but it is easy to imagine the immigration impasse finding its way into a television commercial if someone such as New York City Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg decides to run.

But I can think of an even more effective commercial Bloomberg could make based on this news story:

Bloomberg: Illegal immigrants help golfers

NEW YORK, April 1, 2006 (UPI) — New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg says golf fairways would suffer if illegal immigrants were returned to their native country.

“You and I are beneficiaries of these jobs,” Bloomberg told his WABC-AM radio co-host, John Gambling. “You and I both play golf; who takes care of the greens and the fairways in your golf course?”

However, Robert Heaney, general manager of Deepdale Golf Club – a Long Island course where Bloomberg often plays — told The New York Daily News that no illegal immigrants work at the club.

Deepdale is “maybe the most reclusive club in America,” and it “hosts maybe ten rounds per day,” according to golf course architect Tom Doak in his indispensable Confidential Guide To Golf Courses.

Wouldn`t that make a great TV commercial?

  • Open with a helicopter shot of a beautiful 160 acre golf course with nobody on it–except Mike Bloomberg in the middle of a fairway.
  • Cut to Bloomberg hitting a 4-iron shot.
  • But the fairway has only been mown to 7/16″ of an inch instead of the 5/16″ the way Bloomberg likes it, so in super-close-up/super slo-mo you can see blades of grass getting between the grooves of his clubface and his Titleist Pro-V1 golf ball.
  • Lacking adequate backspin, his shot doesn`t “bite” and rolls over the green into a sandtrap.
  • With a look of infinite sadness transforming into steely resolve, Bloomberg turns and faces the camera.
  • He says to the American people: “Never forget. Without amnesty to ensure that America has enough poorly paid greens keepers, this could happen to you too someday.”
  • His slogan flashes on the screen:

    Vote Amnesty
    Vote Bloomberg

See also: Mayor Bloomberg: Native-Born Americans Lazy And Stupid