April 15, 2008
An Open Letter To Pope Benedict XVI On The Occasion Of His U.S. Visit
[VDARE.COM
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we
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you search our archives, you'll find that we've both
praised and condemned "all sorts and conditions of
men" including Methodists. (Mrs. Clinton is a
Methodist. So is President Bush.)
See also
An Open Letter to Edward Cardinal Egan, Archbishop of
New York,
A Catholic Reader Meditates On "Migration Week",
and
A Catholic Reader Defends His Church Against Some
Immigration Reform Critics—And Bishops]
From
Peter Gadiel
Dear
Pope Benedict:
Since you’re
here in the US for a visit I thought this was an
appropriate time to write you on behalf of the
organization of
art lovers to which I belong. We are all
particularly fond of the
art of the Vatican and as such we have named our
group League of Art of Papal Provenance Lovers. We just
refer to ourselves as Love Apples (LofAPPLs).
First of all, because you and your own organization have
decided to become so deeply and actively involved in
nullifying American immigration law on behalf of
millions of illegal aliens, we recognize that you,
as much as say,
Mayor Daley of
Chicago or
Sen. Ted Kennedy are as much a part of the
rough and tumble of US politics as they are. And
since it is so common for American politicians to
increase their folksy personas by using
informal nicknames, we figured we’d help you out by
just calling you "Benny".
So Benny, here’s why I’m writing you. It isn’t just to
let you know we love the Vatican’s art. What we wanted
to tell you is that because we are so devoted to that
art we’ve decided we're going to move, en masse,
into
the Vatican in order to be closer to it.
We figured that since you and your guys here in the
States have so
completely adopted the notion that people from, say,
Mexico have the
right to move to the USA
in violation of American law, that well, since you’re so
committed to the idea, that we’d just like to move close
to the
Pieta.
Now, just to give you advance knowledge, there are a few
conditions we Love Apples have set on our "cross-border
migration" (as the U.N. would
refer to it). We do require that our members have a
true admiration for the art of the Vatican. However,
because our art lover members are catholic (with a
small "c") in their artistic tastes, you’re
going to have to accept that when we move in with you
that there are going to be some changes in the décor at
St. Peter’s and the
Sistine Chapel.
After all, lots of our members simply adore
Mondrian,
Picasso, and
Warhol in addition to Michelangelo, Caravaggio,
Raphael and
all those guys. So you’ll just have to accept some
additions to the collections. I know you won’t like that
we’re going to be hanging up copies instead of
originals, but hey look, we don’t have your budget. And
after all under your own rules, you’re stuck.
Oh, and by the way. We know that you may have a real
problem when some of our members hang up their
Robert Mapplethorpe photos, but given your church’s
problems with
pedophile priests, maybe you’ll welcome some
enlightenment about what’s going on in your name.
Also, a lot of our members aren’t Catholic (big "C"),
so that means you and yours are going to have to be
pretty broadminded. But hey, that’s what you’re all
about, right? So we know it won’t be a problem if some
of our people are
atheists,
Druids,
Wiccans, and fundamentalist
Mormons with a few
wives. Okay? After all, you don’t think America
should worry about what immigrants believe either.
There’ll be a lot of other details to iron out when we
get there, of course. I mean, you guys
don’t vote, and we do, so you’ll just have to make a
few changes in the political side of the Catechism. And
naturally, we immigrants can’t possibly be
divided from our families because of your silly
rules, so you’re going to have to accept that our Love
Apples will be bringing their families,
in-laws, cousins,
maids, and
gardeners.
Of course many of them don’t like art at all. In fact a
lot of them don’t have any use for art at, so if
some of your stuff winds up getting
graffittied, well, look, it’s time to beef up those
Swiss Guards and bring ‘em into at
least the 19th century.
Speaking of the Swiss Guards, I should tell you that
some of our relatives are not exactly civilized. In
fact, they’re
downright dangerous. But again, under your own rules
you’ll just have to accept that a substantial number of
your
new neighbors will be members of
international drug gangs. But hey, just keep
reminding yourself that, if you’re gonna be open minded,
you gotta take the
bad with the good. We figure that the
Curia will be able to handle the
baddies, and after all, you’ll have a whole lot of
extra
gardeners.
You might even get Sen.
Lindsey Graham to come visit since
greens fees at the Vatican golf courses will go way
down with all that cheap labor.
So look Benny, I figured I’d just let you know what’s
headed your way so you could hire
extra teachers for the
Vatican School System,
extra doctors for
Vatican Hospital, and more social workers, drug
counselors,
SWAT teams, etc.
Like I said, there’ll be a
lot of changes coming,
but I know you’ll handle it just fine. Just one last
thing, at least for now. One of our Love Apple members
realized that the
dome of St. Peter’s had a striking resemblance to
the top of a
liquor bottle, so we voted to
slightly alter it and paint
"Absolut Vodka" on it. After, all, Absolut is the
favorite drink of Reconquistas like us.
But Benny, remember to drink responsibly.
Your pal in art and immigration,
Peter
Peter Gadiel (email
him) is president of
9/11 Families
for a Secure America.
His son, 9/11 World Trade Center victim James
Gadiel (North Tower, 103rd floor),
was 23 at the time of his murder.
