South Park: Timecists vs. Goobacks

Remember that Claremont professor who vandalized her own car, spray painted it with racial slurs, and claimed to be a victim of a hate crime?

Or Ward Al-Churchill down in Colorado who described the victims of 9/11 as "little Eichmanns" who had it coming.

What about Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY) who responded to a Republican tax-cut with this helpful quip: "It's not a 'spic' or a 'nigger' anymore. They say, 'Let's cut taxes.'"

College professors and public officials alike routinely bypass public discussion via race-baiting—the sure-fire way to silence conservative opposition.

My contempt for this is what drew me to the antics of Comedy Central's South Park—the show whose alleged "conservatism" recently had Peter Brimelow puzzled, provoking a huge reader email to VDARE.COM. (We read them all! Answering takes longer…)

No, I don't have a penchant for potty comedy—more like a predilection for revenge.

For example:

In 1998, South Park aired an episode titled Mecha-Streisand.

It was a loose parody of the old Godzilla movie Godzilla v. Mecha-Godzilla. You know what I am talking about…the movie where Godzilla had to fight a metal replica of himself. In a word: epochal.

In the show, cartoon Barbra Streisand (excellent depiction by the way) searches for a missing triangle held by the four boys of South Park and said to contain the power to transform her into Mecha-Streisand.

With it, she could take over the world.

She holds the boys hostage and after a hysterical "Don't you know who I am!!" routine, eventually gets her hands on the triangle.

She transforms into an enormous Barbra monster and begins to systematically destroy everything in her path.

But she was defeated and I have been hooked ever since.

Many conservatives (neo, paleo, schizo…) would tag South Park as the best example of a demoralized media catering to a degenerate society.

Michelle Malkin recently exemplified this reaction in her column "Why I'm not a South Park Conservative."

And at times, the content and language could shock even the most liberal, freethinking audience. I would forbid my children (or nieces and nephews) from watching it.

And there is also an element in South Park which comes dangerously close to a public service: the underground resistance movement against political correctness and multiculturalism.

Before I continue, I do agree with Michelle when she wrote "South Park may be 'politically incorrect.' But 'politically incorrect' is not always a synonym for 'conservative.'

But I think South Park transcends political affiliation. The show is not designed to promote the left or the right. In fact, it's something of a moral and cultural paradox. It scorns absurd social edicts created by the extremism that festers within all political parties.

There are those who argue that M-50 machine guns should be available to the public at large on account of dove season. Likewise, there are those who seek to remove cap guns from Lone Ranger costumes.

Plus we are a nation devoted to novelty politics and flea market entertainment. We have kids who vote based on the quasi-scientific method of paper-scissors-rock (best 2 out of 3).

Who can blame them?—when their professors better resemble Angelica from Rugrats or the Purple Pieman than Carl Sagan or Huston Smith.

But the biggest problem—foreign customs being smeared like spackle over American traditions via one, sinister but clever edict: diversity makes for a better America.

No-one but a racist could object!

South Park sees the problem and tries to combat it with humor…albeit potty humor.

This brings me to what I think is the best South Park episode: Goobacks

A time portal opens and people from the year 3045 are walking out into 21st century America. The South Park news speculates about the new visitors. Are they here to deliver a cure for cancer or right a wrong?

Umm, not exactly.

Brad Morgan: "Now, uh he has said that the future is so overwhelmingly overpopulated that there are simply no jobs in his time, and so he built a time portal and has come back to 21st century America, uh to find a job here."

He goes on to add

"Hi-his plan is to get a job here, in our time, so that he can put the money he earns into a savings account, uh, which will earn interest, and by the year 3045 be worth billions of dollars… enough, he says, to feed his family."

Sound familiar? Just wait, it gets worse.

Why are the visitors called Goobacks? Well, something in the time travel leaves a sticky "goo" on them that conceals their real color.

Another reporter explains the phenomenon.

Chris Holt: "Eh it appears that in the future, Americans have evolved into a hairless uniform mix of all races. They are all one color, which is a yellowy light-brownish whitish color. Uh, it seems race is no longer an issue in the future, because all ethnicities have mixed into one."

And how do they communicate?

"The people in the future speak a complete mix of English, Chinese, Turkish and, indeed, all world languages…"

The boys, Kyle, Eric, Kenny and Stan become enraged with the immigrants for destroying their snow-shoveling business by working for 25 cents an hour.

They launch a protest attended by the hordes of now-unemployed residents of South Park.

Stan returns home after the protest to find his mother has employed one of the immigrants.

He tells his parents that it is wrong to employ the immigrants. His parents respond:

Dad: They're only taking the small menial jobs that nobody else really wants to do.

Stan: I wanted my job!

Dad: Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something: Those people from the future have had a hard life! Where they come from is dirty and overpopulated and poor! You can't even imagine the kind of depression they come from! So for us, who have everything sooo good, to judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?! Next time you think about calling them goobacks, you might just wanna stop for a second and think about how crappy the future really is!

Mom: That's right! We're not raising our son to be an ignorant timecist.

Stan: Timecist?

Mom: You know, a racist, but against people from the—

Stan: People from the future. Right, got it.

How the people of South Park choose to combat the invasion is a bit delicate to explain here. But the gist of the episode is what matters.

South Park tackles the taboo issues, like illegal immigration. It ridicules the extremists and encourages discussions usually discouraged by liberal Hollywood and mainstream media.

And while the content is indeed vulgar at times, it targets the same college students who are subjected to daily doses of an equally vulgar discourse: the leftist agenda.

Hopefully they hear more than gutter speak and potty humor.

There is a definitely a flea market treasure hidden inside this double-wide trailer.

Bryanna Bevens [email her] is a political consultant and former chief of staff for a member of the California State Assembly.