South Park: Timecists vs. Goobacks
Remember that Claremont professor
vandalized her own car, spray painted it with racial
slurs, and claimed to be a victim of a hate crime?
What about Rep.
Charles Rangel (D-NY) who responded to a
Republican tax-cut with this helpful quip:
“It`s not a `spic` or a `nigger` anymore. They say,
`Let`s cut taxes.`”
My contempt for this is what drew
me to the antics of Comedy Central`s
South Park—the show whose alleged “conservatism“
recently had Peter Brimelow puzzled, provoking a huge
reader email to VDARE.COM. (We read them all! Answering
No, I don`t have a penchant for
potty comedy—more like a predilection for revenge.
In 1998, South Park aired an
In the show, cartoon
Barbra Streisand (excellent
depiction by the way) searches for a missing
triangle held by the four boys of South Park and
said to contain the power to transform her into
With it, she could
take over the world.
She holds the boys hostage and
after a hysterical
“Don`t you know who I am!!”
routine, eventually gets her hands on the
She transforms into an
enormous Barbra monster and begins to systematically
destroy everything in her path.
But she was defeated and I have
been hooked ever since.
Michelle Malkin recently
exemplified this reaction in her column
“Why I`m not a South Park Conservative.”
Before I continue, I do agree with
Michelle when she wrote “South Park may be
`politically incorrect.` But `politically incorrect` is
not always a synonym for `conservative.`
But I think South Park
transcends political affiliation. The show is not
designed to promote the left or the right. In fact, it`s
something of a moral and cultural paradox. It scorns
absurd social edicts created by the extremism that
festers within all political parties.
Plus we are a nation devoted to
novelty politics and flea market entertainment. We have
kids who vote based on the quasi-scientific
method of paper-scissors-rock (best 2 out of 3).
But the biggest problem—foreign
customs being smeared like spackle over American
traditions via one, sinister but clever edict: diversity
makes for a better America.
No-one but a racist could object!
South Park sees the problem
and tries to combat it with humor…albeit potty humor.
This brings me to what I think is
South Park episode: Goobacks…
time portal opens and people from the year 3045 are
walking out into 21st century America. The
South Park news speculates about the new visitors.
Are they here to deliver a cure for cancer or right a
Umm, not exactly.
Morgan: “Now, uh he has said that the future is
so overwhelmingly overpopulated that there are simply no
jobs in his time, and so he built a time portal and has
come back to 21st century America, uh to find a job
He goes on to add
plan is to get a job here, in our time, so that he can
money he earns into a
savings account, uh, which will earn interest, and
by the year 3045 be worth
billions of dollars… enough, he says, to feed his
Sound familiar? Just wait, it gets
Another reporter explains the
Holt: “Eh it appears that in the future,
Americans have evolved into a hairless uniform mix of
all races. They are
all one color, which is a yellowy light-brownish
whitish color. Uh, it seems race is no longer an issue
in the future, because all ethnicities have mixed into
And how do they communicate?
The boys, Kyle, Eric, Kenny and
Stan become enraged with the immigrants for destroying
snow-shoveling business by working for 25 cents an
They launch a
protest attended by the hordes of now-unemployed
residents of South Park.
Stan returns home after the protest
to find his mother has employed one of the immigrants.
He tells his parents that it is
wrong to employ the immigrants. His parents respond:
They`re only taking the small menial jobs that nobody
else really wants to do.
I wanted my job!
Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something: Those
people from the future have had a hard life! Where they
come from is
poor! You can`t even imagine the kind of depression
they come from! So for us, who have everything sooo
good, to judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?! Next
time you think about calling them goobacks, you might
just wanna stop for a second and think about how crappy
the future really is!
That`s right! We`re not
raising our son to be an ignorant timecist.
You know, a racist, but against people from the—
People from the future. Right, got it.
How the people of South Park
choose to combat the invasion is a bit delicate to
explain here. But the gist of the episode is what
And while the content is indeed
vulgar at times, it targets the
same college students who are subjected to daily
doses of an equally vulgar discourse: the leftist
Hopefully they hear more than
gutter speak and potty humor.
There is a definitely a flea market
treasure hidden inside this double-wide trailer.
Bryanna Bevens [email
her] is a political consultant and former chief of staff
for a member of the California State Assembly.