South Park: Timecists vs. Goobacks

Remember that Claremont professor

vandalized her own car,
spray painted it with racial
slurs, and claimed to be a victim of a hate crime?


Ward Al-Churchill
down in

who described the victims of 9/11 as

"little Eichmanns"
who had it coming.

What about Rep.

Charles Rangel
(D-NY) who responded to a
Republican tax-cut
with this helpful quip:

“It`s not a `spic` or a `nigger` anymore. They say,
`Let`s cut taxes.`”

College professors
and public officials alike
routinely bypass public discussion via

—the sure-fire way to

conservative opposition.

My contempt for this is what drew
me to the antics of Comedy Central`s

South Park
—the show whose alleged conservatism
recently had Peter Brimelow puzzled, provoking a huge
reader email to VDARE.COM. (We read them all! Answering
takes longer…)

No, I don`t have a penchant for
potty comedy—more like a predilection for revenge.

For example:

In 1998, South Park aired an
episode titled


It was a loose parody of the old
Godzilla movie

Godzilla v. Mecha-Godzilla.
You know what I am
talking about…the movie where Godzilla had to fight a
metal replica of himself. In a word:


In the show, cartoon

Barbra Streisand

by the way) searches for a missing
triangle held by the four boys of South Park and
said to contain the power to transform her into

With it, she could

take over the world.

She holds the boys hostage and
after a hysterical

“Don`t you know who I am!!”

routine, eventually gets her hands on the

She transforms into an

enormous Barbra monster
and begins to systematically
destroy everything in her path.

But she was defeated and I have
been hooked ever since.

Many conservatives (neo, paleo,
schizo…) would tag South Park as the best example
of a

demoralized media
catering to a


Michelle Malkin recently
exemplified this reaction in her column

“Why I`m not a South Park Conservative.”

And at times, the

content and language

even the most liberal, freethinking audience.
I would forbid my children (or nieces and nephews) from
watching it.

And there is also an element in
South Park
which comes dangerously close to a public
service: the underground resistance movement against

political correctness


Before I continue, I do agree with
Michelle when she wrote South Park may be
`politically incorrect.` But `politically incorrect` is
not always a synonym for `conservative.`

But I think South Park
transcends political affiliation. The show is not
designed to promote the left or the right. In fact, it`s
something of a moral and cultural paradox. It scorns

absurd social edicts
created by the extremism that
festers within all political parties.

There are those who argue that

M-50 machine guns
should be available to the public
at large on account of dove season. Likewise, there are
those who seek to remove

cap guns
from Lone Ranger costumes.

Plus we are a nation devoted to
novelty politics and flea market entertainment. We have
kids who vote based on the quasi-scientific
method of paper-scissors-rock (best 2 out of 3).

Who can blame them?—when their
professors better resemble

from Rugrats or the

Purple Pieman

Carl Sagan

Huston Smith.

But the biggest problem—foreign
customs being smeared like spackle over American
traditions via one, sinister but clever edict: diversity
makes for a better America.

No-one but a racist could object!

South Park sees the problem
and tries to combat it with humor…albeit potty humor.

This brings me to what I think is
the best

South Park episode
: Goobacks


time portal
opens and people from the year 3045 are
walking out into 21st century America. The
South Park
news speculates about the new visitors.
Are they here to deliver a cure for cancer or right a

Umm, not exactly.

“Now, uh he has said that the future is
so overwhelmingly overpopulated that there are simply no
jobs in his time, and so he built a time portal and has
come back to 21st century America, uh to find a job

He goes on to add

plan is to get a job here, in our time, so that he can
put the

he earns into a

savings account,
uh, which will earn interest, and
by the year 3045 be worth

billions of dollars…
enough, he says, to feed his

Sound familiar? Just wait, it gets

Why are the visitors

Goobacks? Well,

in the time travel leaves a sticky
on them that conceals their real color.

Another reporter explains the

“Eh it appears that in the future,
Americans have evolved into a hairless uniform mix of
all races. They are

all one color,
which is a yellowy light-brownish
whitish color. Uh, it seems race is no longer an issue
in the future, because all ethnicities have mixed into

And how do they communicate?

people in the future speak a complete mix of



and, indeed, all world languages…”

The boys, Kyle, Eric, Kenny and
Stan become enraged with the immigrants for destroying

business by working for 25 cents an

They launch a

attended by the hordes of now-unemployed
residents of South Park.

Stan returns home after the protest
to find his mother has employed one of the immigrants.

He tells his parents that it is

wrong to employ the immigrants.
His parents respond:

They`re only taking the small menial jobs that nobody
else really wants to do.

I wanted my job!

Hey, Stanley, you need to understand something: Those
people from the future have had a hard life! Where they
come from is


! You can`t even imagine the kind of depression
they come from! So for us, who have everything sooo
good, to judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?! Next
time you think about calling them goobacks, you might
just wanna stop for a second and think about how crappy

the future
really is!

That`s right! We`re not

raising our son
to be an ignorant timecist.


You know, a racist, but against people from the—

People from the future. Right, got it.

How the people of South Park
choose to combat the invasion is a bit delicate to
explain here. But the gist of the episode is what

South Park tackles the

taboo issues,
like illegal immigration. It ridicules
the extremists and encourages discussions usually
discouraged by

liberal Hollywood
and mainstream media.

And while the content is indeed
vulgar at times, it targets the

same college students
who are subjected to daily
doses of an equally vulgar discourse: the leftist

Hopefully they hear more than
gutter speak and potty humor.

There is a definitely a flea market
treasure hidden inside this double-wide trailer.

Bryanna Bevens [email
her] is a political consultant and former chief of staff
for a member of the California State Assembly.