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What`s The Deal With McCain`s Face?
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February 15, 2008, 05:35 PM
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Readers have pointed out to me that there`s this ... thing on McCain`s left cheek, and have wondered whether his skin cancer has come back.

I`m hoping it`s just scar tissue left over from one of his two earlier struggles with melanoma. When my six cycles of chemotherapy for lymphatic cancer were over in 1997, the CAT scan showed that where once had been the tumor, which had been the size of a Polish sausage, there was something still there a little smaller than one of those cocktail weiners you eat from toothpicks at receptions.

"Give me a couple more blasts of chemo, Doc! I`m tough, I can take it," I whimpered.

"No, don`t worry about it, it could be just scar tissue," he said.

"How can I not worry about it?"

But, it was just scar tissue. (Knock on wood.)

Still, it would be nice if the media occasionally explained what that thing on the Presidential candidate`s face was. They write so many zillion words about the Presidential election, but so few of them seem to have much bearing on obvious questions we should be asking candidates.

I suppose I could call up from Google Images, say, fifty pictures of McCain`s face over the last seven years to do a statistically valid study of whether or not the thing is changing in size (or if it occasionally shifts to the right side of his face, like Marty Feldman`s hump in "Young Frankenstein"), but that would require me to look at 50 pictures of McCain`s face, so, to hell with it.

Speaking of McCain`s face, a reader writes:

And what is the deal with his cheeks? His face seems to have settled, like semi-melted jell-o, and he`s got two little face love-handles bulging grossly, possibly anomalistically, to 3 and 9 o`clock. I write as an expert on jowls as mine form a perfect O-ring about my ever-diminishing head, as if I`m wearing a NASCAR tire