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The Right Stuff for The Bonfire of the Vanities
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October 25, 2012, 02:29 PM
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Who should have been cast in the notoriously bad 1990 movie version of Tom Wolfe`s The Bonfire of the Vanities? These suggestions all assume it`s 1990, although pop culture history since then is assumed:

Sherman McCoy (played by Tom Hanks): William Hurt or Steve Martin (Hanks is too likable, lacks WASP hauteur)

Self-hating English tabloid journalist Peter Fallow (played by Bruce Willis; character based on Anthony Haden-Guest): Christopher Guest (half-brother of Haden-Guest), Richard E. Grant, or Hugh Grant

Judge Myron "Jewish Warrior" Kovitsky (played by Morgan Freeman in the movie; based on Judge Burton B. Roberts): Alan Arkin

Kramer the hapless Assistant DA (played by Saul Rubinek): Jason Alexander

Rev. Bacon (John Hancock; based on Al Sharpton): Eddie Murphy

Killian (Kevin Dunn; based on streetwise NYC criminal attorney Eddie Hayes): Mickey Rourke, Alec Baldwin, or Dennis Leary

Detectives (Barton Heyman and Norton Parker): Jerry Orbach and Chris Noth

Elderly Albert Vogel (not in movie; based on hustling radical lawyer William Kunstler): Rodney Dangerfield

District Attorney Abe Weiss (F. Murray Abraham): Dustin Hoffman, Michael Lerner (studio mogul in Barton Fink)

Tall, rawboned, explosively crazy prisoner (not in movie; based presumably on Hunter S. Thompson): Michael Richard

The Mayor (not in movie; based on Ed Koch): Mayor Ed Koch

McCoy`s wife and girlfriend (Kim Cattrall and Melanie Griffith): I don`t know, but not Kim Cattrall and/or Melanie Griffith

And you can do the same exercise for a hypothetical 2013 remake.