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Radio Derb Does CPAC
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March 16, 2013, 03:21 PM
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There was a lot of unsavory stuff in the week`s news, all of which we at Radio Derb, as responsible journalists, felt obliged to report: "Bestiality, cannibalism, royal gastroentiritis, and a gamy ex-dictator." [MP3]

There was also, however, some straightforwardly political news. CPAC, for example:

The different factions of conservatives are defined by what is most salient to them. What`s salient to social conservatives are issues of faith and family, opposition to abortion and homosexual marriage, patriotism and respect for law. What`s salient to neocons is a huge military establishment, putting the Middle East to rights, remaining dominant in the Pacific, open borders and free trade. What`s salient to libertarians is individual liberty, minimal government, and sound national finances.

The problem is, these are not a movement, they are three movements, who on key points of policy can`t stand the sight of each other. Libertarians want social conservatives to stay out of their bedrooms; social conservatives want neocons to enforce immigration laws; neocons want libertarians to agree to deficit financing so we can build a couple more carrier groups.

Here`s my suggestion: A tag wrestling match between Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush, and Rand Paul: two falls, two submissions, or a knockout to decide the winner. Then at least the damn movement will have a leader, and we can take things from there.