June 13, 2006

A Tale Of Two Plagues: Bird Flu And Immigration Litigation

By Juan Mann

If having too many illegal aliens in the neighborhood means there’ll soon be too many  residential chickens, around – potentially bringing "bird flu" – does having too many lawyers in the country necessarily also lead to hiring more government attorneys and EOIR immigration judges?

You never know what will turn up in the VDARE.com e-mail bag - or what strange correlations there might be among the offerings.

"I'm wondering if anyone is going to connect the bird flu with the way many of the illegal immigrants live in this country. I live in an area with a high percentage of illegals, not much I can do about it either without risk to myself or wife. I've worked in packing plants and grocery stores and have seen how little these people have of personal hygiene. I've cleaned many a bathroom, believe me, also, I won't go any further than that. Also, the area I live in, I've seen where some of these people live with their chickens. Come here and I'll show you. Hmmm, maybe that should tell you something that may be coming.

"From what the experts are saying, it would be 6 months into a pandemic before they can come up with a vaccine for the bird flu. Lots of dying adults and children until then. Then, in the area I live in, we have a very high percentage on welfare. Believe, these are the folks who will get the vaccine first, why, because of their children. Hmmm, what about American citizens? What about our children? Think about this.

"I think an alarm should be going off somewhere. It's your child, my grandchildren. Our experts say they will try to contain the pandemic, huh, they cannot even control our borders. That and does it need to be a bird that brings the bird flu into this country? That's why, as you know, we have health checks before one comes into America….! Throw that out the door!"

Which came first, the illegal aliens, the residential chickens, or the bird flu?  Looks like it was the illegal aliens . . . or maybe that one sickly chicken?  Who knows?

The reader addresses the pressing question - why garden variety non-immigration lawyers would want to become EOIR immigration judges:

"I think most of those folks [taking EOIR positions through patronage] are at a level where they can earn more than $140k just by rolling into the office to make sure the associates are billing.  I think it's 100 percent just getting "Judge" before their names.  How many non-lawyers are aware of the difference between Article III judges and an Article I judges?

"Here in Georgia, you see a lot of overqualified people basically doing night court as part-time magistrate judges for the same reason.  But EOIR is even better. To say you're a federal judge (and really, who at the country club will dispute you), that's better than "Doctor."

"If Congress changed the job title to Immigration Referee or something like that, there would be no patronage demand.

"I would also note, these people aren't litigators (one guy was a title examiner? Geez).   Without courtroom experience they are pretty much ineligible for a federal district judgeship.  So it’s nice to know there's a path to a federal judgeship for the transaction attorneys among us."

So there you have the tale of two plagues: bird flu and federal immigration litigation.

Illegal aliens just might be giving homes to the chickens that ultimately bring on the plague of bird flu.  But perhaps an even more immediate danger is the nationwide glut of bored attorneys. It provides the impetus for the government hiring of more EOIR immigration judges . . . which directly leads to the equally destructive plague of more federal immigration litigation.

Juan Mann [email him] is an attorney and the proprietor of DeportAliens.com. He writes a weekly column for VDARE.com and contributes to Michelle Malkin’s Immigration BLOG.